I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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