ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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