Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
