It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
