They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
