If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
