i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
