We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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