Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
