Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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