Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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