Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
