Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
