I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i think i just lost a toe
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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