Porn is love you can see.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
