I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i dont even know how to be here
I just found a bag of teeth...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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