I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
