Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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