If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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