I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
