I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
