Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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