I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
