hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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