I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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