If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
