Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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