We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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