Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I need moral support for this bender
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
