I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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