....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
