he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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