mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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