what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
