Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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