it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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