I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize