That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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