I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
