I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
