i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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