he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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