I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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