Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
