And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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