you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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