Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
