I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
