I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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