you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
