Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
