At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
