aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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