I cockslap morals
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
