You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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