I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My liver just had a heart attack.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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