dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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