dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My dick has a subreddit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
