I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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