just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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