guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
