Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
